The Good, The Very Bad and The Insane!

THE GOOD:

Owen Douglas Felts - My older sister had her second baby! Cute little bounder!

Birthdays – Ian turned 2! I know it’s terrible of me to spoil this kid like I do, but he’s got me wrapped around his finger, and I LOVE IT! Every time he says “Pweese Ninna!?!” my resolve melts and I collapse like an umbrella. So, much to the annoyance (and frequently the ignorance) of his parents, I just WON’T say no!

Karen, my sister had her birthday too! I love her guts!!

My Grandma Ruth had her 86^th birthday too, we had a BIG family get together but I forgot my camera that day so this is one from my brother's graduation dinner.

Bug's Graduation - My little brother, the baby of our family, graduated from High School. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I’m happy for him that he never has to go back to Alta again, sad because I can no longer deny that he is grown up. My parent's took us all to Market Street Grill to celebrate!

Heidi’s Wedding! – Congratulations Schmeidles and Justin!!! I couldn’t be happier for you!!! You are both wonderful!

THE VERY BAD:

Cancer - Over Memorial Day weekend, we found out that my Dad's Dad, my Grandpa D has cancer... In the Doctor’s own words “It’s everywhere.” We're not sure he'll see the end of July.... The same day, we found out that my Mom’s Mom has got metastatic cancer in her liver. Her prognosis is not as bad, but is still terminal. My family and I have been spending as much time with Grandpa D as possible and my Grandma Ruth is living with my parents during treatment. This has hit my parents pretty hard. While I am still in denial that one day I will lose MY parents, the excruciating pain that I see in them, realizing they are losing their parents is undeniable and most of the time, unbearable. The only things that I have found consoling during this time have been that: (1) knowing their prognoses has allowed everyone to say their goodbyes, which I consider to be a direct gift from God. Having someone go suddenly and leaving things unsaid has been, in my experience, the worst part of death. And (2) both of my grandparents seem to have completely come to terms with the fact that they’re “graduating.” My Grandma Ruth even told one of her physicians “It’s okay honey, I never expected to live this long anyway!”

Singapore - For anyone who has known me at all over the last few years, you will know that Jared's work has been playing him like a yo-yo. They keep saying they might send him to Singapore to help get their new plant up and running. Well, they've been "threatening" to do this for years. So, when there’s this type of talk, I usually just roll my eyes. But, in the last few weeks they've been getting pretty darn serious about it. Jared now has a confirmed seat on a flight leaving July 22^nd. He will be gone “a minimum of three weeks.” While this just plain sucks, it is good that his work needs him as much as they do, especially in this economy. So, if anyone is bored during the weeks after July 22^nd, give me a call!

THE INSANE:

Family Reunion - Jared’s family (his brother, sisters, their kids and his parents = 27 people) have a bi-annual reunion. The reunion planning responsibility rotates between each individual family member. When I say this, I mean, the individual plans: the location, the activities, the food and the budget… for all 27… for a week! Well, this time it was OUR turn to plan… aka MY turn to plan. So, I’ve been planning this thing for two years. The food, the budget, the location, the itinerary and activities were all planned.

But, since NOTHING in my life seems to be working right these days… What happens exactly 10 days before the reunion is to commence? I get a phone call from the cabin owner saying “Oh, sorry, we’ve run into a problem with the County Inspectors Office, and can no longer rent to you.” WHAT!?!?!? So, yeah, we (the entire family) scramble to find a new location. We end up in a completely different State (Vail, CO as opposed to Ashton, ID) and with our itinerary pretty much blown since two of the days we were planning on being in Yellowstone. So… yeah, we pretty much just played the entire thing by ear and at the drop of a hat. It was a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants operation and was, in my opinion, fun, but a bit of a disaster. Needless to say, when it is my turn to do this thing again in 12 years, I may consider divorcing Jared; it would be WAY less work! But it looks like the kids had fun, right?

Yard – Jared has been promising me since we moved into our house that we could re-vamp the front yard. Mostly because the front planter beds looked like they’d been planned, developed and built by retarded monkeys. I’ve had in my mind what I’ve wanted to do for quite some time. However, we’ve never had the money to do that. But, we scrimped and saved and finally had the money to do this. So, after a lot of money and back-breaking labor, we moved all of the slate from the front yard and turned it into a nice little side-garden. Then took the new brick and put in a (hopefully) much improved retaining wall. I know it doesn’t look like much yet, but when I till the soil and get my plants put in, it will look better, I promise!

Restoring the Dresser - While Jared is gone, this is going to be my project. Unfortunately, this thing has been my project for about 6 years. Yes, I am a procrastinator! But, hopefully with Jared gone, I will have some spare time to restore this old thing. I know what you’re thinking: “Melinda, why in the heck don’t you just buy a nice, new dresser? That would be WAY easier and probably cheaper than trying to restore this old thing that has 90 bazillion layers of paint.” The only reason I’m spending so much time and effort on it, is that it was built by my Grandpa D’s father. This makes it more sentimentally valuable than monetarily, especially now.

Well, that's about all for now! Love to all!

I am a terrible, terrible wife

For posting this, but I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF....

So, my family plays this game where we wear headphones and turn up the music REALLY loud and then sing along in a kareoke machine. Last Christmas, Jared took on Whitney Houston's "And I Will Always Love You"....

The Good part starts about 20 seconds into the video....


ENJOY!

Unavoidable embarassment

As some of you may know, I am a primary teacher for church (ages 5-6). I have about ten kids in my class, all but two of which are usually angels. The other two, I'm pretty sure may grow up to be the next Bonnie & Clyde. As a matter of fact, that's what I'm going to call them during this post.

Anyway, these two were relatively quiet this week during singing time, largely due to the fact that "Bonnie" was blowing on "Clyde" all through singing time. Well, as anyone whose ever sat through a Singing and Sharing Time hour in the LDS Church will tell you, between singing and sharing time there is a 30 second gap where there's mostly just silence. This time is usually filled by sounds of shuffling papers and feet while the sharing time teacher is getting ready to speak. Well.... Yeah... these 30 seconds are the EXACT time that "Clyde" chooses to tell "Bonnie" (with enough volume, I'm sure the relief society across the hall heard it) "'Bonnie' STOP BLOWING ME!!!!"

Yeah... I don't think I've ever seen the Primary Presidency's (not to mention every teacher in the room, plus the chorister and the pianist) heads turn that quickly.

I nearly had to leave the room I was laughing so hard!

Screwing "Me"linda Over....

I often wonder if others out there have this problem. I seem to be an endless stream of dichotomies... For example:

About once a decade (no joke, that is almost the precise amount of time) I get a bizarre and totally inexplicable craving for.... Twinkies...




I know... **I am ashamed** of all things, right? Anyway, so, about once a decade, I get this bizarre craving. So, I have noticed that "At-The-Store-Melinda" somehow frequently screws over "At-Home-Trying-To-Eat-Good-Food-Melinda". And, sadly, whenever I unwrap these lumps of non-food, I am ALWAYS disappointed, somehow I remember them being better 10 years ago....

This is not the only time one of "me" screws another "me" over. This same thing happens almost every day with "Night-Time-Melinda" and "Morning-Melinda". "Night-Time-Melinda" doesn't seem to think that just a few more hours of staying awake is such a big deal... But, she has had this attitude since the day I was born and seems to truly have it in for "Morning-Melinda". So, innevitably, "Morning-Melinda" gets hosed 7 days a week. I don't think that this is a war that will ever be won.

Again, the same types of things happen with "Just-Worked-All-Day-And-I'm-Tired-Melinda" and "My-House-Is-A-Freakin'-Mess-And-I-Need-To-Clean-Melinda"

Also with "I-Need-To-Put-Money-In-Savings-Melinda" and "OH!-Those-Shoes-Are-So-Cute-AND-On-Sale-Melinda"

I'm not sure that I will ever attain true inner-peace... There's just too many Melindas in fighting my head!

You know you are a terrible person when....

When your own Mother tells you so! I just couldn't help myself today! I have this pact with my sister Karen, when I get pregnant, she will be the FIRST person I tell. So, this being April 1st, I text Karen:

"Okay so I always promised that you could be the first to know... How are we going to tell Jared?"


Then, I text my Mom:

"So... Just FYI... Ian is going to have a cousin come November 3rd."

(Yes, I was extra mean by including a very plausible due date)

**************Approximately 20 Minutes Later ***********

*Phone Rings, It's Karen*

Karen: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I've been screaming in my car!

Me: Kar

Karen (over the top of me): YAY I AM SO EXCITED, OMIGOSH,

Me: KAR!

Karen (over the top of me): HOW ARE WE GOING TO TELL JARED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOW, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE....

Me: KAREN!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know it's April Fool's right?

(Long Pause)

Karen: YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM NEVER FORGIVING YOU FOR THIS!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT, YOU ARE AWFUL! THAT IS NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Karen: **Click**

******Approximately Another 20 Minutes Later **********

*Phone Rings, It's Mom*

Mom: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN SCREAMING IN MY BATHROOM FOR 20 MINUTES! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Me: Mom?

Mom (Over the top of me): WHY DID YOU TEXT ME THIS? WHY DIDN'T YOU DRIVE UP HERE AFTER YOUR APPOINTMENT!?!? DOES JARED KNOW?

Me: MOM!

Mom (Over the top of me): Yay! I will have two cute new Grandbabies this year! Oh, and they can play together!!

Me: MOM, MOM? MOM!?!?!?

Mom (Over the top of me): When can we go shopping! Oh, who have told? What is it? Oh, you don't know yet, too early!?!?

My little brother (in the back ground): MOM!?! What the heck are you screaming for?

Mom (to Andrew, my brother): MELINDA'S PREGNANT!!!

Andrew: CONGRATULATIONS MELINDA!!!

Me: MOM! Mom, you know that it's April 1st right?

(Long Pause)

Mom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE MOST HORRIBLE PERSON!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT! THAT IS THE MEANEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? MELINDA!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!

Andrew: What now?

Mom: It's April Fools!

Andrew: OH NICE ONE MELINDA!

Mom: THAT IS NOT NICE, IT IS TERRIBLE, MELINDA YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!! I AM NOT SPEAKING TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Mom: Seriously though, I thought "why would she text me this?" I was thinking "why wouldn't she just come here and tell me?" Just for the record, don't text me when you really do find out, tell me in person!

Me: hahahahahaha! Okay Mom! I gotta go back to work!

Mom: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, YOU ARE TERRIBLE, THIS IS NOT FUNNY, I AM REALLY MAD AT YOU!

Me: Didn't you know what day it is? C'mon?

Mom: NO I DID NOT! IT IS SPRING BREAK I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN A CALENDAR TODAY!

Me: AWESOME!

Mom: NOT AWESOME! GOOD BYE!

**********Approximately 20 Minutes Ago **************

I get a text from Mom:

"MELINDA IS A BIG FAT LIAR!!!!!!!! POOH ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



**************Approximately 10 Minutes Ago *************

Another text from Mom:

"I feel so inexplicably sad... for one brief shining moment I saw the face of a beatiful brown eyed boy.... sighhhhhhhhhhhhh."


************Just after reading that text*****************

Me: Sigh... no one can guilt-trip you like your own Mother.....


Happy April Fools Everyone!

No Good Deed....

Yesterday started out okay, just a few minor catastrophes at work. You know, the usual. Then, after work, Jared and I went to help my sister on a project. Now, I can't say what type of project this is, since it's a surprise for a family member. Anyway, suffice to say that this project is one of those young-women-y types of projects, one that no straight man would volunteer for. But, my great hubby was talked into coming and helping! I'm sure he'd rather have gone home and watched a basketball game, but the lovely person that he is, he came and was a HUGE help!!

Anyway, we ended up being at my sisters house for about four hours (about two hours longer than I expected!). On the way home, we had to stop to get my car since Jared and I car-pooled up to my sisters house. Once we had my car, we took the back roads (they're usually faster). While driving down the darkened back road, I hear this very loud POP then THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP! **Son-ov-a** **D%^& IT** **G-r-e-a-t!** **Roll Eyes** **Pull Over**

Jared, who was in front of me, turns around, parks behind me and gallantly comes to my rescue! He changes the tire in about 7 minutes flat, lets the car down off the jack and proceeds to finish tightening the lugnuts (is that one word?). As he's doing so, his hand slips on the tire iron, which apparently had a small nick in it which was quite sharp. **GASH!** **Blood flowing freely from finger** **Son-ov-a** **D%^& IT** **G-r-e-a-t!**

We get a clean cloth Jared happened to have in his car, wrap up his finger, put my tire back in the trunk and drive home. Upon arrival at home, I note that Jared has been bleeding quite profusely the entire way. So, we clean out the battle wound, glue the finger shut (as it wasn't deep enough for real stitches), neosporen and bandage it.

This ^^ ladies and gentlemen is a perfect example why you should NEVER offer to do anything nice for anyone...

You'll end up bored, bloody and dead tired the next day...

However, I am SO happy that I have a hubby willing to be bored, kept up late and injure himself in order to take care of me and my sister! Thanks Jar, I love ya!

Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks Venti Cafe Mocha....

I know it's sinful to drink you... I know it's sinful to covet you... But, you SAVE my life on ridiculously early mornings such as this... So I forgive you for being the fruit of the poisonous tree.

Very Truly Yours,
Melinda