Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks Venti Cafe Mocha....

I know it's sinful to drink you... I know it's sinful to covet you... But, you SAVE my life on ridiculously early mornings such as this... So I forgive you for being the fruit of the poisonous tree.

Very Truly Yours,
Melinda

Things I WISH I could say to clients, but really, really can't:

Client #1:
Me: I told you that you could only call outside your appointed time if there was an EMERGENCY! What did I tell you constitutes an emergency?

Client #1: Large Meteoroid, Severe Blood Loss and uh... what was the other one again?

Me: DEATH! And you are NOT dead, call back at your APPOINTED TIME!!!!!!!!!
(This exchange is thanks to the movie Two Weeks Notice)

Clients #2-7:
STOP BREAKING THE LAW AND YOU WILL STOP GOING TO JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

Client #8:
Honestly, we cannot defend you properly if you LIE to us! HINT: We get paid either way (if you did it or NOT) so just tell us the truth, 'cause it's gonna come out in court ANYWAY!

Client #9:
Yes, you're getting divorced, yes it sucks, but clearly neither of you can keep your pants on, as evidenced by the fact that only ONE of your SEVEN children is ACTUALLY your husband's biological child. Suck it up, Zip it up, and MOVE ON!

Client #10:
Swallowing nearly a pound of drugs in front of an Officer during a routine traffic stop IS going to raise some flags for that Officer. And, yes, it will probably make you sick and yes, the officer will probably take you to jail, then the hospital... after he stops laughing.

Client #11:
Yes, living with your EX-spouse for 12 weeks AFTER your divorce has been finalized IS weird. So MOVE OUT!

Ah... boy that feels better!

The Adventures of a Paralegal....

I have to say, my job has certainly taken on a life of its own... I know most people blog about their kids and families, and I guess that's usually what I blog about. However, my job has taken a rather interesting turn in the last few months, so I thought I'd share a few of the more... interesting things about it.

Before I start my stories:

First, our other paralegal (I think she's a paralegal because of the work she does, she says the work she does isn't "real" paralegal work) does almost exclusively PI (Personal Injury) work. She is REALLY good at it too. I on the other hand, have a few PI cases but the majority (and I mean about 55%) of what I do is... hold onto your socks.... Criminal Defense. That's right... Criminal Defense.

Second, when I was going to school, I knew that it was a near innevitability to get thorugh my career as a paralegal without doing SOME form of criminal defense work. However, this REALLY stressed me out because I was certain that I would have some HUGE moral break down having to defend "criminals." I especially worried about how I would handle defending sex criminals, especially those accused of sex crimes against children. I just knew that I would freak out and not be able to work the cases, it actually kept me up at night!

Third, in opposition to popular belief Jail DOES NOT EQUAL Prison. The difference? Usually, the difference is whether or not you've been sentenced. If you are awaiting trial, you are in JAIL. If you have been CONVICTED, you are in PRISON. Please, keep in mind that when I tell my stories, these are people who have not been convicted of anything, and in more than one case (I believe) are actually, comopletely innocent.

SERIOUS STORY

Okay, keeping those things in mind... I have had to "visit" the Utah County Jail (pictured below) at LEAST once a week for the last 3 months. Why? Oh, because I have to keep our clients informed, which (about once a week) requires taking them documents, having them sign documents or getting sworn statements from them.

The first time I had to go to meet a client I was scared to death! I didn't know what to expect or to say other than "Hi, so... you're in jail, how's that workin' out for ya?" But, much to my surprise, every client I've met with has been impressively meek, honest, humble and most of all incredibly grateful. Every single one has been so appreciateve of the fact that we're willing to help them (even though it's for a reasonable fee). There's one particular client who is there for a sex offense, worse, against a child. I was terrified that I would meet him and unconsciously judge him BEFORE I met him. However, I sat and interviewed him for over an hour. When we were done, he looked me right in the eyes and said "You know, Melinda, in the 12 months since I was accused, you and Marshall (the Attorney) have been the only two people who have looked me in the eye and not had an accusatory look on their face, calling me a monster."

After I walked out of the jail that day, I got to my car and had an enormous wave of gratitude wash over me. First, because there's been nothing in my life that has made me appreciate my freedom more than visiting the jail on a regular basis. I catch myself thinking -- as I fold my laundry, watch my favorite TV shows, walk my dog or even make boring spaghetti -- that I am SO grateful that I have the FREEDOM to CHOOSE to do those things. What dinner to make, what shows to watch, when to do my laundry, not one of our clients in jail have that freedom. The gratitude I felt was also for the powers that be giving me the ability to NOT pre-judge this person. I cannot tell you how much I DESPISE those types of crimes. I have a very personal vendetta against child molestors. However, that day, I was miraculously able to meet with this man, hear his side of the story, and actually, truly, down to my core, BELIEVE what he said. I never thought I'd be able to do that.

FUNNY STORY

About three months ago, I had this bizzarre phone call... It was a man (I'll call him Mr. X), who said he needed a MALE (his emphasis, not mine) attorney and he needed some criminal defense for a misdemeanor. "Fine" I said and made the appointment. When this man came in, he would NOT look me in the eye. He just stared at the floor. So, he has his meeting with Marshall, during which he decides to retain our office. Since I am the only paralegal in the office who knows how to do criminal defense work, Marshall calls me in and introduces me to Mr. X.

Marshall then says "Mr. X, just so you're aware, the policy of client confidentiality applies to Melinda as well. Melinda, I know that in the course of most cases we provide the client with every SCRAP of documentation we have. However, for Mr. X's case, we will not be sending him ANYTHING, do you understand."

Me: "Of course, I understand."

Marshall: "Also, we will not be calling Mr. X at his home number, just call his cell phone, leave your name and say Witt & Associates and hang up the phone."

Me (with an inquisitive / weirded out look on my face): "Okay."

Marshall: "Thank you, could you please copy these for our file?"

Me: "Sure thing"

So, I take these documents in to copy them, one of which is the citation you are issued by the police (It looks very much like a traffic ticket). On it is very clearly printed "Patornizing a Prostitute." So... come to find out, Mr. X responded to a posting on Craigslist which, after reading it was pretty obviously for a prostitute. Like, I could see if you were dumb as a box of rocks that you might think it was for a sensual massage as Mr. X claimed... but really dude? A massage? Anyway... so, about two weeks later we get the police report and a copy of the SURVEILANCE TAPE! Oh dear... this guy, caught red handed in a sting operation and the first thing he told the cops: I'll sign a promise to appear if you don't tell my wife or my bishop. Sigh... that's not all, come to find out that he has a son on a mission, is a Stake Young Men's President... and.... WAIT FOR IT.... IS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR BY TRADE!!!!!

Sigh, I just couldn't stop laughing... what an idiot! So, to sum up the last few things my job has taught me:

1) Be grateful for your freedom to choose.

2) I am so relieved that I can look upon someone in jail, without judging them immediately.

3) Truth is funnier than fiction. If you don't believe me, pick up a few police reports, they make for entertaining reading!

Smiling at the small stuff....

Have you ever been in the middle of doing something (usually something that needs to be done, but truthfully isn't all that exhilerating) and had a mini-epiphany that something you see all the time and that most people would find mundane, makes you smile? I realized this week that there are several of these types of phenomena in my life, so I thought I'd share a few with you....

1. Dish-Soap Bubbles.... About once a week (usually on pasta night when we use the giant pot that's just ridiculous to put in the dishwasher) I wash a dish in the sink. Having been raised in a home where we always had a dishwasher, I never learned the proper amount of dish-soap to use for just one big pot... This type of ignorance usually results in those tiny little bubbles that float up and out of the sink and seem to linger in front of your face, just to make you smile!

2. Reading... since I have finished school, I discovered that I have OODLES of time to read! I have been reading, nay, devouring books that had been sitting by my bed for MONTHS in the "I want to read it, so I bought it, even though I have about 50 other books by my bed that I haven't read" pile. Here's a short list of the books I've read in the last 5 months:

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn (those ones were easy, done in a weekend), I never promised you a rose garden, The Lord of the Rings (all three books in the "trilogy"), War and Peace (again), Eat, Pray, Love (again), Family: the ties that bind (and gag), In Our Defense, Until I Find You, The Full Collection of Robert Frost and Hamlet (again). I hope I get to the bottom of my pile some day... at this rate, it should take me.... about another year!

3. Ice crunching underneath your feet. I hate ice, and it's definitely not good for me to be walking on (see previous post re: my bad knees) but I LOVE the sound of ice just as it crunches under your feet. Whenever I hear that sound, I can't help thinking to myself "ha ha ha, take THAT winter!"

4. The face I get every night, when I get in bed, this I love most of all....

I'm not kidding, every night, this dog gets in bed (he sleeps with us... yes, the 99.7lb dobie sleeps with us) snuggles right up next to me and lays his nose directly across my chest. I am usually trying to read (see #2) and this annoys Hades, something fierce. So, he nuzzles his nose underneath my book and pushes it up, up, and away. He's usually not content until he hears me sigh, not-so-begrudgingly roll my eyes, place my bookmark in the pages and set the book aside for tomorrow. Then, he gives me this look and waits patiently for me to pet him.

Those, my dear friends, those are the small things that make me smile, all the time! What are yours?

And in not-so-recent news….

So... To recap the last few months I have a bunch of pictures... Also, work is going well, I still love my new job and am learning something new every day!!!

Craig (pictured on the right) is an AMAZING designer who works for 1-800 CONTACTS… Every year 1-800 does a Halloween Trunk-Or-Treat. At this last one, Craig put up this incredible spook-alley! It was really awesome! And because it was divided into "extra-spooky" and "not-so-spooky" Craig needed two different witches. He found his good witch easily enough but apparently could only think of me when it came to his scary witch… gee what a compliment! (Just kidding, I love dressing up like this for Halloween) So, even though I don't work there anymore, He called and asked if I would participate, I said that would be great!
Me and the "Good Witch" – I loved her tights!

Here are our pumpkins from this year… Jared isn't very into carving pumpkins, but I love it! Guess which one is Jareds?

And lastly for October… I just couldn't help doing this, even though I know it probably wasn't very fun for him….
November… aka Thanksgiving…
Jared and I had a BLAST in Idaho. We went up for Thanksgiving, two of his sisters live up there. Here Jared is dancing with one of our beautiful nieces!

My nephew Branden played piano while we cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I am amazed at how musical all of my nieces and nephews are, Branden is an especially accomplished pianist.

And of course, the Thanksgiving Day Nap!

The Great Spoons Tournament!

And Last but certainly not least… Christmas….
So, this first picture requires an explanation… About six months ago, while I was mopping our kitchen floor, my knee (the one I've already had surgery on) dislocated. No, I was not slipping, no I was not running, I was just standing… and out it went. So, I went to see a doctor at TOSH (The Orthopedic Specialty Hospital) who told me that I shouldn't walk anywhere more than 100 feet without wearing knee braces and that I should actually refrain entirely from running, skiing, tennis, basketball, hiking, soccer and soft/baseball. For those of you who don't know, I've had knee problems for 10+ years and had surgery on one to fix the constant dislocation issues I was having. During that first surgery, my surgeon noticed that I had scarring / osteoarthritis. So, when I saw the doctor at TOSH he said that although surgery is an option to fix the dislocation, nothing short of a complete knee replacement will fix the arthritis. The only thing that can help are pain meds and certain types of exercise to slow the spread / worsening of the arthritis, although nothing will make it improve, maintaining the damage that is already done is the best I can do… So… the doctor said that Swimming was better than an indoor bike, indoor bike was better than the elliptical, the elliptical is better than the treadmill, the treadmill is better than hard ground. SO… Jared got me an elliptical for Christmas… the rest of the pictures are pretty self-explanatory!

Here's my Grandma Ruth and Hades, I love that she was SO scared when we told her we were getting a Doberman, but now she just pats him on the head and calls him a "sweet dog!"

My nephew Ian and Hades, Ian LOVES Hades, he gives him hugs!

And for New Years, Jared and I stayed home and watched some movies, we just wanted to enjoy some time alone. But, my resolution is to lose some weight, use my elliptical at least 3x a week for 30 minutes each. And, a friend of mine (Kateka) had a wonderful blog post about all of her favorites and memories from 2009. One of the things she wrote about was things she was hopeful for in the new year…. I know it is depressing, but I am REALLY hoping that I won't have to go to a funeral this year. I've had at least 2 funerals a year for the last three years! I could really go a year without losing someone I care about… that would be nice. So… that's it… that's my long over-due blog post! Love you all and hope your holidays were great!

Quick Update

Sigh... again, I slack! I've been meaning to update for a LONG time, mostly because of all the changes and events.... but with all these changes and events, it's been hard to find the time.... Okay, a quick update and I promise, a more lengthy one (with pictures) soon. What's been going on:

1. I left 1-800 CONTACTS. The timing couldn't have been better. I started my new job the DAY after my internship ended. I love and miss my old co-workers, but am THRILLED to finally be doing something I am genuinely good at. I now work for a law firm called Witt & Associates.... Four weeks ago when I got hired, it was Witt & Anderson. Long, long, long story short: One partner decided to leave (this happens a lot in law firms for those who aren't familiar with the business). Thus, we've had to re-arrange our entire company. This means that new paralegals get thrown into the deep end without swim lessons. In the words of Andre the Giant: "I only dog paddle." So, while it has been a nerve-wracking experience, I have learned a TON! I love the job, the work and the people. But, most of all, I LOVE knowing that I am REALLY good at what I do! (I know because my new boss reminds me all the time!) And, I really go home satisfied, knowing that someones life is genuinely better because of the work I am doing.

2. We had Jared's brother and his family stay with us during BYU education week. This reminded us of two things: a) how much we miss JR and Rebecca and their kids, we love them to pieces and wish they were closer! b) how NOT ready we are for children. Jared and I have become very accustomed to doing what we want, when we want and taking our sweet time doing it. Having my neices and nephew here reminded me that when I am a parent, my decisions will no longer be based around what I want and what is best for Jared... my entire universe (not just my decision making ability) will be based solely on how things will affect my kids.... Call me selfish, but, I am not ready for that. And, in the words of Elizabeth Gilbert: "The decision to have children is like making the decision to tattoo your face.... YOU REALLY NEED TO BE SURE IT'S WHAT YOU WANT, BEFORE YOU DO IT!!"

3. I finally read all the Twilight books... and yes, I am now an obsessed fan.... Sigh.... I love Edward!


Well, that's all for now, more later w/ pictures. Hope everyone is well, love to all!

Birthdays and Reunions

My Grandpa D's 80th birthday party was this last weekend. It was fun to have the whole family together to celebrate! On Saturday, we had the annual Watson reunion, I took lots of pictures since I was the only one who remembered a camera. We had tons of fun!

Me and my "little" brother!

My Mom and her favorite (aka only) grandson:

All of the boys in my immediate family:

My Grandparents! Happy Birthday Grandpa D!

My gorgeous sister and my nephew:

My little sister also had a birthday, she turned 22! Where does the time go? To me, she is still 12 and my little brother is still 6! Sometimes when I see my brother at my parent's house, it still shocks me! Here are some pics from her birthday party:

And, last but not least, my Mom and sister and I went to get pedicures on Thursday. When the nail technician asked me if I wated something (and I quote) "Parrotic." I was SOOOO confused, then she said "You know, fo fowth of Jewry." Then, in an effort to seem like I understood, I just nodded and smiled politely. So, she set to work... it was after she started adding the poka dots that I realized she meant "patriotic" and "Fourth of July!"