I would like to preface this blog by saying three things:
1) If you are not interested in reading my ramblings while standing on my soap box, please stop reading now.
2) It has been brought to my attention that my blog is “lonely.” I am sorry. I will try my best to update more often. (No, Kateka, your comment has nothing to do with this blog entry, I love you!)
3) I am ALL for honesty as it pertains to ESSENTIAL human interaction (even if it may not be very nice). For example: “Hey Bob, I am concerned that your weight may be affecting your health.” Or “You know, you should try to be more honest because your lies have hurt other people.”
Those three items being addressed, I would like to know: Is honesty ALWAYS the best policy? Or, have we come to a point in our society where we’ve taken this (and many other things) to an extreme?
Long ago in lands far away, there were certain laws called “chivalry.” For me, this brings to mind two people who have a disagreement; one confronts the other, to his face directly and voices his qualms. Now, this was usually followed by one of two things: the second person would admit their wrong-doing and a truce would be made OR they would deny their flaw and promptly be slapped across the face with a glove and be challenged to a duel. The sword fight would happen a few days later and the eventual winner would receive bragging rights. This meant he was allowed to either tell EVERYONE within earshot of the other person’s transgressions. Or, (as I believe was more unusual) take the win stoically and remain tight-lipped in order to allow the loser some amount of respect.
Granted, this amount of pompousness was bound not to last forever. This type of behavior inevitably evolved with mankind. Even a few hundred years ago in the Wild West cowboys would voice their opinions; challenge the other to a shoot-out and then give each other ten paces before promptly firing upon one another. The winner would be bought several rounds of beer and regale his bar buddies of the “evil-doers” wrongs. I suppose that in some regard (in the most formal areas of our society like business and law) we still allow our adversaries some amount of respect before tattle-taling their “misdeeds” to the public.
Now, in either setting, those who did not provide warning, be it slap in the face or “pistols at dawn”, were considered most cowardly and were socially shunned. I would dearly like to know; when did we stop providing that type of courtesy to those we were about to descend upon?
It seems that today, those who are constantly voicing their view of “just being honest,” even to the extent of brutality are considered brave, emotionally independent and strong. However, it seems to me that calling out “flaws" or pointing out unbeknownst qualms publicly and blatantly is not my idea of strength. Ensuring someone of the fact that these “dirty articles of laundry” have been voiced, discussed and beaten like dead equine (all in the convenience of your absence) seems like nothing more than cruel and unkind mistreatment.
What in the world happened to “better left unsaid?” And, for things that absolutely cannot go unsaid, what happened to giving due discretion and respect to individuals? What is wrong or “undignified” about discussing another’s flaws with them face to face BEFORE you air what you feel is their dirty laundry?
May I add: Why is it that those closest to you feel that it is “more okay” or even “their duty” to do this? Why do family members believe that they don’t hurt your feelings when they do these things? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that if you’re closer to someone’s heart, you’re in a better position to put a dagger through it?
I am not perfect, nor are you gentle reader. If I have ever done you the terrible disservice of airing your dirty laundry, I truly apologize. If I have ever pointed out to you what I felt was a “flaw” unnecessarily, I am deeply sorry. Honestly, I will do my utmost to never discuss an issue I have with an uninvolved third party. More importantly, I will never chastise you for something you’ve done or not done that has not and will not harm someone.
I pray that some day we will return to a society that values things like discretion (things better left unsaid) and addressing you face to face (mano-a-mano) before involving others.
Am I right? Or, am I over-sensitive?
